Musings of a Wench

Good thing I slept all vacation

Man, I am so tired I don't know how I'm going to get to work tomorrow. Saturday night, at the resort in the Dominican Republic, I ate something that really didn't agree with me, so I didn't get to sleep until after 3:00 am, then woke by 9:30am. So that's 7 hours. Sunday night - we got back to town at 2am, and it wasn't till 3:30 am that I was in bed, and I woke at 6:30 am to go be sick some more and couldn't get beck to sleeo before I had to wake at 7:00 am for work. So that takes us to 10 hours. I had a one hour nap after work, so that's 11. Monday night, New Year's, we stayed up accidentally until 6:00 am, and I woke at 10:00 because the bedroom I was in didn't have curtains and I couldn't sleep through the light, so that takes me to 15 hours. 15 hours in the last 4 days. I personally prefer at least 7 on a week night, and 10 or more on a weekend if I can.

Probably explains why I feel like shit today, eh?

Wishing I had time to nap, but have the big family New Year's Day function, and have to make some food, and should probably start to empty the suitcases that are sprawled all over my floor. After all, I have to be packed completely for the next trip in 9 days.



New Year's Eve is lonely when you don't have someone to kiss when the fireworks go off.

Labels: body, grown ups, holidailies, solo year, vacation

posted by Morgan @ 3:21 p.m. 0 comments

2007 in Review

I did this last year too. I like these - it makes for interesting perspective.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Supported my partner fleeing the country for a year. Got mildly addicted to exercise. Figured out that exercise makes my depression lift more easily. Joined a gym. Took part in a psych study. Took a university night class. Booked my first flight out of this hemisphere. Paid off all our debts (excepting of course the mortgage, but making huge headways on that as well).

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make New Year’s resolutions last year, I made a 25 in 25 list, and did very well on it. I plan to (belatedly) do a 26 in 26 list.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Darren’s sister did – he’s an adorable baby. The soft spot on his head freaked John out a lot.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?
The States (Idaho, Utah, Wyoming and Montana) and the Dominican Republic.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Less grief. No stupid drama. No family vacations. *grin* No fucking mice in the house.

7. What date(s) from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 13^th – the day John left.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Coping with the above with far more composure than anyone expected – myself included.

9. What was your biggest failure?
You know, that’s a tough one. I don’t think I really failed at anything this year. I mean, I haven’t been a total success or anything, but to me, to have failed carries a tone of not doing my best. I mean, I failed to learn to do an upside down flip called the helicopter at my pole dancing class, but I tried really hard. I bruised ribs, feet, ass, hip bone, and tail bone. Eventually I quit trying to do it, but I don’t really care. I tried my best, and it didn’t work. *shrug* I don’t feel bad about it. It just is – I can’t do that move – my weight distribution in my body is wrong for it, and I don’t care. I could do other stuff.

I failed at all sorts of things this year, like keep the house clean like a good little Martha would. But I don’t feel that I particularly failed at anything. On the whole, I gave things my best shot. And that’s good enough.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
We discovered that the constant colds and infections and feeling like crap was all based on a cat allergy gone out of control. No more visits to the in-laws, where the cat lives, no more being sick. (Okay, I’ve had a cold or two, but NOTHING like before.) I think I may have given myself another mild concussion. I have got to stop doing that.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
(I’m hoping) my flight to see John in the January. Otherwise, probably all the yoga 20 class passes.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine, dammit. My boyfriend of six years goes to the Middle East, and on the whole, I keep my shit together and don’t get depressed. I’m proud of myself, even if no one else is.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Okay, listen, I just got back from a seven day vacation with my parents and adult sister. That’s a hell of a loaded question.

Also, ***** for being an absolutely insane jerk about something so pathetically trivial – a reaction that will essentially taint our relationship for the rest of our lives.

14. Where did most of your money go?
The mortgage. Followed by vacations. Followed by groceries. Followed by a lovely piece of art.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
All the travel I’m getting to do.

Also, paying off all the money we owed John’s parents.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2007?
Jeremy Fisher – High School. Heard him at the Folk Fest this summer. I can listen to it over and over and over.

Wolf Parade – I’ll Believe Anything. Bought the album before the road trip this summer. Blasted the thing at loud volume while driving through America with a window open (because our little old car has a non functioning air conditioning system, and it was 100oF outside) and just feeling it.

Raine Maida – Yellow Brick Road. I like the version that’s on the radio, but we say him perform it in February, and it just blew both of us away.

Snow Patrol – pretty much the entire Eyes Open album. Love.

The Killers – Sam’s Town album. Awesome road trip music, blasting away, sometimes rolling up a window so that we can sing along with the lyrics.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? This time last year I was depressed. So I’m happier than that, but I’m also really lonely. It’s a draw, I think.
ii. Thinner or fatter? About the same weight – but far more ripped muscles.
iii. Richer or poorer? Richer. That is, when they actually remember to pay John.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Laugh. Go to live theatre. Stood up for myself.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Complain. Cry. Whine. Feel sad. Feel self loathing.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
In the Dominican Republic, without the love of my life, with my parents and sister. Drinking pina coladas, relaxing around the pool and getting a tan. Very relaxing.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
I am in love.

22. How many one-night stands?
None. But I am about to fly 11,268km for a booty call, so that’s got to earn me some trashy points.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Heroes. Doctor Who. House. Grey’s Anatomy. Corner Gas. Little Mosque on the Prairies.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, I try not to hate anyone. I may loathe certain people extra much though.

25. What was the best book you read?
I’ve read around 183 books this year. Many were very good.

26. What were your greatest musical discoveries?
Wolf Parade. Jeremy Fisher. Final Fantasy. Silver Sun Pickups. Feist. Plain White Ts. I bought more cds this year at full price than I have in pretty much the rest of my life put together. Yay having a job.

27. What did you want and get?
Vacations. Love. Solid friendship. The confidence to strut my overweight ass around in short shorts and hooker heels and feel sexy doing it.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really enjoyed Enchanted, The Bourne Identity, My Little Sunshine, and a few others.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 26. My parents took me out for Indian food at the Taj Mahal restaurant. A few days early I invited friends over and roasted my first turkey, and made them bring me food, potluck style.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having John here for all of it. Also, not having the stupid drama with his father. Though if John had stayed, that never would have happened…

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Jeans are good. And I have enormous breasts that make shopping for clothes hard and really frustrating. I did start layering t-shirts…

32. What kept you sane?
John. Books. Strongbow. Gin. The promise of vacations.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Oh, let’s go with the perennial favorite Colin Firth.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Not much this year. Pretty quiet on the Canadian front. Our civic election didn’t result in many surprises.

35. Who did you miss?
John. God, am I repetitive enough yet?

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Trisha, though work. Look, I’m making a new friend! How unlike me.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
You are stronger than you think.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

If I knew now what I knew then, I’d
Back up do it all again, I’d
Take a bow, take it real slow
Take a ride down the yellow brick road

Raine Maida - Yellow Brick Road

Also:

Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Your blood
Your bones
Your voice
and your ghost

We've both been very brave
Walk around with both legs
Fight the scary day
We both pull the tricks out of our sleeves

Wolf Parade – I’ll Believe Anything

Labels: 25 in 25, body, boredom, family, holidailies, identity, meme, solo year, the boy, twisty, vacation, writing

posted by Morgan @ 1:44 p.m. 0 comments

I'm ba-ck!

And thank god for that, too. 7 days of 24-7 with your parents and adult (but only in the technical sense) is just too much. By yesterday, we all loathed each other. About par for the course, I'd say. It did remind all of us why it's been 9 years since the last time we did this.

But that's okay. The Dominican Republic was a lovely way to avoid Christmas. The beach was nice, the sun was great, I read 8 books, ate a ton of fresh fruit (oh, pineapple, how I love thee), went snorkeling, drink pina coladas constantly, relaxed, slept late, played cars, got a tour of Santo Domingo, didn't have to deal with the mess of families that Christmas around here is, got a nice tan, and got to be in a whole new country.

So all in all, a lovely trip. I'm glad I went, and am so, so, so glad to be home.

Well, almost home. I'm going to a friend's house for a New Year's party, and so won't be in my own bed for another night, but what the hell - internet access and the ability to flush toilet paper down the toilet? Life is good.

Labels: family, holidailies, solo year, vacation

posted by Morgan @ 9:52 a.m. 1 comments

Hasta luego

Sorry, Holidailies, I'm off to the Dominican Republic for a week, and am unlikely to have internet access while I'm there. I'll be back on the 31st!

Also, in good news? I still wear the same swimsuit size that I did in high school when I used to swim summer competitive. So while I may not love my body, at least it hasn't grown as much as I sometimes fear that it has. So yay for small victories.

Happy Christmas, everyone. Be back in a week!

Labels: body, holidailies, vacation

posted by Morgan @ 4:31 p.m. 1 comments

Totally too much information

So I had a doctor's appointment yesterday. Which involved me lying back on the table, my feet in stirrups, being fitted for a diaphragm, of all things. I felt like I was in the wrong decade - if I wasn't for the blackberry of mine vibrating on the counter beaming me messages from John I might have been more seriously confused. First time the resident had ever fitted one. Today was even harder, trying to find a pharmacy that had one (total failure) or could order one (only had to drive totally across town).

It's the only logical thing, however. I went off the pill right after he left (and, TMI, have LOVED it. Apparently there had been some side effects that had slipped up unnoticed) and don't want to go back on it until I have to. Neither of us like the condoms much, thus pretty much leaving this as my only non-hormonal option. So - one easy choice and I ended up having a rather strange moment with two female doctors all up in my bits. Also, according to Wiki, I'm on of .2% of (American) woman with one. Also, I had no idea that they were popular in the 30s and 40s! I thought they were from far later than that. So I guess it I should have been having a 40s moment, not a 40s moment.

Of course, today, in preparation for going to the Dominican Republic on Sunday, I got my first bikini wax, so that's got to put me in a far more current decade...

Labels: body, grown ups, holidailies

posted by Morgan @ 12:35 a.m. 0 comments

The MSN conversation snipit that sums up what's going on

John says:
you were saying you couldn't read the money thing... what's wrong?
Wench says:
eh - just totally, completely overwhelmed
John says:
by what? - and don't say "everything"
Wench says:
christmas. the house. cleaning. planning our trip. planning the trip this week. gifts. realizing the mouse had gotten in to the drawer under the sink and realizing I have to wash all of it in the hottest water I can stand. cleaning the house. buying you presents. figuring out what the appropriate level of gifts for people at work.
Wench says:
tidying the house. cleaning the house. remembering to pay the bills. figuring out what happened to the present from you. doctor's appointment. finishing the perishables. getting something in the mail for you, to test out the address. watering the plants. putting away the laundry. doing the christmas cards.
Wench says:
everything.

Yeah, I'm feeling more than a little overwhelmed. Which explains, I guess, the sobby little freak out I had when I got home from work today. A Strongbow and a half later, and multiple hours of cleaning, tiding, present finishing, and bill paying later, I feel much calmer. Still, you know, freaking out a little. But calmer. I'll pay the extra library fines for the dvd I'm not going to get back today. I did book the doctor's appointment, and the presents for work are enough - have to be enough. I've run out of time and, clearly, energy. (Home made marshmallows in two flavours, plus made-by-me hot chocolate mix, plus chocolate dipped candycanes to stir. Good enough, I hope. Too late if it's not, I guess.)

And still, I want to crawl in to my bed, pull the covers over my head, cry a little more, and slip off to sleep wrapped in the gentle haze of good cider.

4 sleeps until the beach...

Labels: consumerism, holidailies, solo year, twisty, vacation

posted by Morgan @ 9:52 p.m. 0 comments

Better than television

I saw Tom Jackson perform in his Singing for Supper event tonight. That man's voice! It's like honey running over gravel. He shook my hand. I was with my friend Nathan and his parents, and they managed to get us front row seats, so when he did the slow walk down the front row, shaking hands and singing, I got to shake back.

The highlight of my day, for sure.

Labels: holidailies, solo year

posted by Morgan @ 10:31 p.m. 0 comments

A gift

Our six year anniversary and my birthday are 3 days apart. (Wednesday and Saturday, this year.) On Monday morning, at work, I got an email saying there was a gift for me - I thought it was going to be a gift basket from a local bar I organize corporate functions at. How delightfully wrong I was!

At the time of this photo, the flowers had spent a week on my desk already, and still look lovely.


(The Tupperware bins - after the whole mouse in the house debacle, I moved everything that might be of interest to mice (and hadn't been yet) in to the containers. I really should put them away already.)

Labels: holidailies, house, solo year, the boy

posted by Morgan @ 8:03 p.m. 0 comments

I may still be hungover

Oops, missed a few days there. Thursday was my mom's birthday, and Friday was my company's Christmas party, which pretty much totally rocked. We didn't get a big name headliner this year, like we have in the past, but there were 4 performers, the food was really tasty and the table we were placed at was so good I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to sleep with whoever made the arrangements to thank them. Like, the CEO was at a table a row behind me, across the aisle. Front row centre, baby!

I drank a fair bit. Nathan, Trisha, Greg and I stayed until 1:50, when the band quit, dancing and chatting the whole time. Lovely evening, I must say. Stranger than words not having John there, but otherwise an excellent corporate party. Yay working for the man!

Labels: holidailies, life

posted by Morgan @ 9:55 p.m. 0 comments

Twitch

Every once and a while I get jumpy, alone in this house.

Today was one of those days. As I check the mail box, I found a cigarette stub, on the corner of the deck and the two stairs. Long extinguished, but, you know, there. Unexplained. (Probably the mailman, but still.) So that made me a little jumpy anyway.

Then, 15 minutes later, I've unpacked my bag, dealt with some stuff. It's late - I didn't get home until after 8, and really dark out. I've made a pot of jasmine tea, wrapped the presents for my mom's birthday tomorrow, and am about to settle down to watch About a Boy and work on my obscene cross stitch.

Suddenly, a slam comes from the room behind me - for all the world like a door slamming shut. I freeze, feeling my blood turn to ice. I creep back in to the kitchen, already prepared to lose my mind.

My backpack had slipped off the counter, and, still having contained a journal, 2 books and some tupperware, slammed in to the floor with the crash.

My face was tingly numbed and I was shaking so hard I couldn't cross stitch for a good fifteen minutes more.

Oh yeah, I'm coping with this just fine.

Labels: holidailies, house, solo year, twisty

posted by Morgan @ 10:04 p.m. 1 comments

A lame list

Things I have managed to capably do on my own, with out much stress:
Cooking
Doing the laundry
Paying the bills
Reading many books
Weekly grocery shopping

Things I am moderately on top off (though wish he was here to deal with):
Cleaning floors
Keeping busy
Doing the dishes
Keeping the house clean

Things I am not quite doing as well as I should:
Watering the 26 plants in the house
Opening all the mail
Getting the library books back on time
Keeping the house tidy


Things I am totally failing at:
Dealing with those two (now deceased) mice
Warming the bed in a timely manner
Taking the recycling to the depot
Getting in to the Christmas spirit

Labels: holidailies, solo year

posted by Morgan @ 11:02 p.m. 0 comments

Leaving on a jet plane

Labels: grown ups, holidailies, solo year, the boy, vacation

posted by Morgan @ 3:38 p.m. 1 comments

Come on - you know you want to eat fried bread

My only comment on this day, which on the whole, had not been great and I really, really have to work on my temper, among other things, is:

Yes, you can use spiced ground beef to fill stuffed and pan fried parathas (Indian bread) and it is really, really good.

I just wish he'd have been here to share them with.

To make the dough, mix 1 cup of durum flour with 1/2 cup of water. Mix well and then knead. Put back in the bowl, sprinkle a little water on top, and let sit for half an hour. Meanwhile, prepare the filling. This time, it was leftover fried ground beef with onions. Originally, it was spiced with a home made taco spice mix, but then I added a bunch of Indian spices, like ajwan seeds, cumin, garam marsala and some stuffed paratha seasoning. Plus some roughly chopped cilantro.

When the dough is ready, pinch off a small ball - maybe 2 inches across. Using more durum flour, roll out of the dough as thin as you can. Top with some of the meat mixture - say 4 heaping teaspoons. Carefully fold the dough closed, so that the meat is totally sealed inside. Sprinkle with more flour and roll is out as thin as you can, trying to stop before the meat pierces the dough. (If it does, it's not a big deal.) Heat some canola oil in a frying pan. When hot, add a paratha. With a spoon, smear a little oil on the top of the paratha. After a minute, flip. Keep frying and flipping until the dough is crispy and browning - the meat will be hot. Consume with yogurt and coriander chutney. Eat too many of them.

The original recipe I have calls for a delicious potato filling - it's a carb explosion, and so good. This is a little more of a meal. I made it with bharta (eggplant) and a small bit of tandoori fish, because I wanted plenty of leftovers. Yum.

Labels: food, holidailies, solo year

posted by Morgan @ 7:46 p.m. 0 comments

More than one holiday was spent there

I didn't get on the holidailies charity bandwagon for a few reasons, one of them being that I like my charities local, and another being that I have already done my donations for the year. I donate through work as they have a 100% matching program that makes my dollar go twice as far, so that's nice. My charities of choice are small ones that I fully believe in. I don't donate to the United Way, for example, because 10% of the money they raise goes to their overhead, and then they pass money on to other, smaller groups, each who have overhead too. Also, they spend a lot on advertising; I have never seen any advertising from at least one of the groups I support.

At any rate, one of the people I have sent money to every single year since I graduated university and started having money is the Agape Hospice, the place where two of my grandparents spent their final days. It was far lovelier a place than you would expect, even if it was the scene of what hopefully goes down as the single worst Christmas meal of my life. My grandmother was maybe three days from death, and no longer was the woman I knew, she was just a... shell, I guess. The whole thing was horrifying, and I can't think back on without crying. But the staff made such an effort. We had a large private dining room and I'm pretty such a whole turkey dinner meal that we must have eaten. Her room was lovely and bright, and the staff was so kind. And so every year I send them a bit of money.

If I ever have any doubt about where I should be sending my money, all I should ever have to do is read this article that was recently in the Calgary Herald's Swerve magazine. Read it here and tell me if you can read it without crying. I certainly couldn't.

Labels: family, holidailies, twisty

posted by Morgan @ 5:44 p.m. 1 comments

I'm totally going to read this in the morning and erase it all

Man, I got an actual compliment from my mother second hand through a business acquaintance today. And a direct compliment from her last week.

I, to be totally honest, don't even know how to react it's so unusual.


Seriously, how fucking sad is that? The only time in my life that, if this business contact who had no real reason to butter me up isn't lying, my mother has called me pretty. (My brow is furling as I type, to be honest.) You see, I'm neither, generally speaking, the pretty one or the smart one - that's Courtney. I'm, um, the practical, bookish one, I guess. (My sister is at UBC doing a double major in food science and the science of nutrition, thus totally clinching the smart one title.) And so then, to get this random comment, "oh, it's so nice to meet you, your mother talks so much about you, you're the pretty one, the smart one, the one who's doing so well" or whatever just floored me. I mean, my sister worked for them last summer, so they know the difference between us - she wasn't getting us mistaken.

I don't know. I'm 26 years old. I am deeply surprised that my mother would ever make such comments, and that's pretty sad, I think. A million years ago, as an angry, angsty teen, I wrote a scrawling diary entry in response to a dove ad, that she's never called me pretty (or derivative) and that on the few rare chances someone else did, she immediately shot them down. Forcefully. In front of me.

Look, I'm not the prettiest girl in the room, and I'll never be considered beautiful. But I'm cute - I'm the girl next door, and I am learning what looks best for me. I'll never be a true stunner, but I can turn a few heads if I try, you know? If you're anyone but John, I'm the girl you take home to your parents, the one whose face is always alive and generally laughing. I know I'm not court beauty, but nor am I bag over my head territory. My mother is unlikely to be jealous of my looks, or trying to stop me from getting an inflated head.

See, my mother is a pretty good mother, but the flaws are pretty glaring. We'll ignore the Darryl issue, and I'll mention that my mother is one of the most critical people I've ever met. Towards me, especially. Not towards my sister, of course, but at me. At about EVERYTHING. Two days after John left, I'm still a wreck, and my mother? She's all, "why did you wear you hair in pigtails to the airport? It looked bad. and that outfit! I saw you a few days later and you looked far skinnier. You need to learn to dress better, you know." Some shit like that. I wore pigtails because they make me look cute, and John likes them. They make me feel cute, too. The shirt was new, and I will ashamedly admit I haven't worn it again, and that's sad, because i bought it because I thought it looked good.

Fuck, whatever. Let me just say that I got two compliments from my mother this week, one direct and one via someone else this week, and my world feels like it's spinning slightly askew.

Labels: body, family, holidailies, twisty

posted by Morgan @ 12:05 a.m. 0 comments

I'm dreaming of a (not) white Christmas

How is this December different from last year?

I don't normally take prompts but this one is just so right. This December couldn't be any different if I had tried.

Normally? December kind of sucks. All the shopping, trying to figure out the right things to buy, trying to figure out what to tell people when they say, "what do you want?". All the family stress, trying to balance the demands of family, knowing that no matter what you do it will end in tears for someone. Knowing that there is no physical way you can be there for all the time they want you to be there. Trying to figure out where our celebration has to fit around the family ones. The fighting and crying and passive aggressive shit that happens makes me want to run away, every year. The intervention style lunches where we explain our choices to our mothers. The whole mess. Trying to keep the tree alive, and then picking pine needles out of the shag carpet for ages afterward. Eating too much. Drinking far too much. Feeling Scroogey and grumpy and angry.

And then there is 2007! John isn't around, his father isn't on speaking terms with me, my family has blown off presents and we're headed to a tropical island instead! It really couldn't be better. Well, no, it totally, completely could. John could be here. But he's not - he's 11,268 km away, and there's nothing I can do about that. But: almost no presents, no family juggling, not making someone cry (I hope!), not much stress, and did I mention the tropical beach? The snorkeling? The lack of having to buy presents? The time away? Bliss, I tell you. The fact that we don't have to have 3 giant meals in 24 hours alone (each family set insists) is a mercy. The fact that I can spend the whole time snorkeling instead is just gravy. Tasty, tasty gravy.

Also - instead of worrying about to buy lists, I'm figuring out flights, planning my trip to Bahrain and maybe Qatar to visit John. Instead of bitching about the (rather horrible) weather we've been having, I'm day dreaming of tropical beaches and Arabian deserts. Instead of complaining about how hard it is to make other people happy (or at least stop complaining about our decisions), I'm celebrating how happy I am. Bliss!

So, uh, yeah. Note to self - blow off Christmas more often - it will make you happy.

Labels: family, holidailies, solo year, vacation

posted by Morgan @ 1:58 p.m. 0 comments

I am Female, Age 26.

I had an interesting experience tonight. I volunteered to be part of a psychology study about depression at the university. It took two hours, and was quiet interesting. More than an hour of questions, 10 minutes of experiment, some more questions, a happifying period, and some more questions.

One of my coworkers treated me, when I told her about this, like I was going to do some fabulous altruistic thing, but that's not true at all. When ever I get depressed, I read about depression. (Actually, that carries through to every single thing in my entire life - I think about x, so I read about x. X, randomly over the years has been: suicide, depression, mental illness, motherhood, marriage, travel locations, sexuality, food, history. I am a book whore, and I'll read anything.) I know it's not that normal - most people, when depressed, don't seem prone to reading, especially about their condition. But that's me all over - always happy to hunt down information. Life without books, in wenchland, would be not worth living. So I did this study, which I did for free except the $5 to cover transit expenses, I did for the greater knowledge good. I mean, other people have volunteered for the studies that made their way into the books I have that (may have) helped me in the past. The least I could do is return the karmic favour.

Plus! An hour to get to talk about my problems for free! Still trying very hard to keep busy so the time without him is less lonely! Bus fare!

Okay, kidding about that last one. Mostly.

Labels: boredom, holidailies, identity, life, twisty

posted by Morgan @ 9:10 p.m. 0 comments

Lookback at the 25 in 25 list

Time for a lookback at my 25 in 25 list. (Ah, corporate lingo.) I did much of it, but let's start with the failures, shall we?

Read a classic novel - I read about 200 book and yet didn't read a single one that counts as a classic to be. That's really, really embarrassing.

Make a crazy fancy dessert, just for fun - Wow. That's also a shame. Sure, I made really crazy fancy dinners regularly, but didn't cook much in the way of desserts, period.

Work out at least once every two weeks at home, one way or another - I am ready to take fully half points for this. Since I posted this list, I've been doing dance classes once a week, yoga at the studio once a week, and joined a gym. So for the first part of the year, I was working out at home more, but for the latter, I had no more time. So - half points.

Contact at least 2 friends I have let drift, and meet up with them (Lunch with Ami, Feb) - Yeah, I'm not a good friend. Sorry.

Do a really, really obscene cross stitch - I started it in early November, and am about a quarter finished. It is so, so awesome. Again, half points.

Sent at least one postcard or real letter every month (Dec, Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr, Jun, July, Oct) - Okay, I didn't make it. I got a fair number of letters and cards sent, but not one a month for sure. I did right 14 in October for John, but that doesn't totally count.


And then there is all the shit I did manage to do!

Can or preserve something (two types of pickled beets, a jar of rhubarb chutney and a couple of jars of home made tomato sauce) - I've almost never eaten pickled beets before I made them. (I made them for my boss for Christmas.) They are GOOD! The rhubarb is because John was making cordial, and I stole some of the 20 pounds he had collected (which was in addition to the 15 pounds that went in to making wine earlier in the season. It's only the first full year since the plants were transported. Uh, anyone want some rhubarb next year?). The tomato sauce was after getting some tired romas from a grocery store, and made sauce on a whim. Canning is easy!

Donate money to charity (I am my company's Heart and Stoke Big Bike Coordinator, so I had to donate money. Aug 30; Food Bank via Corporate Challenge. Oct 25; donation for Corporate Matching, Oct 15) - Yeah, I totally did this one.

Do a whole routine for John without talking, forgetting or stopping (Feb 3, baby!) - He giggled the whole time.

Flip upside down on the pole (April 4) - now it's easy.

Stay in shoulderstand for 5 minutes (April 12) - This will never be easy, I don't think.

Stay in headstand comfortably for 5 minutes (April 12, for a relative value of comfort) - Relative is so the right word.

Read an interesting non-fiction, non-biography book (Ghost in the House: Motherhood, Raising Children, and Struggling with Depression by Tracy Thompson; Real Food: What to Eat and Why by Nina Planck; Hardcore Zen: Punk Rock, Monster Movies & the Truth about Reality by Brad Warner; The Bust Guide to the New Girl Order edited by Marcelle Karp and Debbie Stoller; The End of Food: How the Food Industry is Destroying our Food Supply - and What You Can Do About It by Thomas F. Pawlick) - There were a few more after this point, but I stopped being bothered to record them here. So clearly - love fiction, can happily read biographies and memories and essays, and will read the right non-fiction. Just doesn't like Classic Novels with Value. Sigh.

Take a non-fitness class (maybe bookbinding?) (Collapse! Sept - Dec 07) - A fascinating university course. It's all the fun of university learning with none of the hard work!

Make at least three new journals (Jan 2, one book bound, Apr 30, one chocolate log book made, Christmas list book, Nov 15) - Not my best work, perhaps, but done none the less.

Finish writing and get my cookbook printed through Lulu (before Christmas!!) (Dec 7, but won't get it in time for Christmas. Oh well, close enough.) - Amusingly, in November coordinated a cookbook for a family friend, doing pretty much the exact same thing. And it was late too! Not my fault though.

Do the rude Chinese cross stitch (1st one done April, 2nd one done October.) - Now, to frame it.

Pay off Cathy and Vince (May 27, and thank GOD!) - Best thing ever.

Take my parents out for dinner (Dec 8, after Handel’s Messiah, August - Chinese restaurant before the fireworks) - Not really nice dinners, but dinner and entertainment none the less.

Try a new craft (beading?) (Embroidery - I'm doing cute sushi napkins) - I put it down to go back to cross stitching, which I like better. Will finish them eventually.

Suck it up and have Polish Grandmother over for dinner (Mar 29, September 29) - I AM a good person.

Grow a garden - and actually water it this year (Peas and tomatoes and carrots and lettuce and potatoes and strawberries all good things.) - It did... lousy. It wasn't a great summer - too hot in July, too wet in August. I did get fabulous tomatoes though, and the late carrots weren't bad. The potatoes in the pots worked better than in the ground. The wild strawberries in the spring were fabulous. The peas were a weather induced write-off, ditto the beets and Swiss chard. The herbs did well though - especially the 4 foot tall lemon tarragon bush. Next year? I'm thinking tomatoes, potatoes, strawberries and beets again. Plus more tomatoes.

Paint another room of the house (the laundry room, July 07) - With John "about to leave" every week for months, I didn't get any other renos done.

Go to plays, beyond our Theatre Junction subscription (Chicago, Jan 25 FRC company; Famous Puppet Death Scenes, Feb 2, Theatre Junction; The Retreat from Moscow, Feb 7 ATP; Solo: The Doubt within Me, Feb 23 Theatre Junction; Show No. 2, Mar 16 Theatre Junction; Nunsence, Apr 13 Stage West; Unbound, Apr 14 Theatre Junction; The Movement Cabaret, Apr 20 Theatre Junction (outside of subscription); The Underpants, May 16, Workshop Theatre; Twelfth Night, July 17 The Shakespeare Company; Dads, XX, Storybook Theatre; The Full Monty, October 5 Theatre Junction; Cocktales, Nov 9) - I LOVE like theatre.

Have someone over (for dinner?) every month (Dec, Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr, May, Jun, July, Aug, Sept, Oct, Nov) - Look! I'm practically overcoming my social phobias!


I totally did not manage 4 things, I half managed 1, and I started another. Still, I accomplished 19, and with the half points I just decided to give myself, that's 20 out of 25. And of the 4 I missed, I half did 2 of them. So all in all, I think I did pretty good. I'm really glad I wrote this list - it's really made me feel much more accomplished. Now, of course, I have to think of the 26 in 26 list...

Labels: 25 in 25, family, food, garden, holidailies, life, solo year

posted by Morgan @ 10:46 a.m. 3 comments

26 random things

In honour of my 26th birthday and the entry a day requirements, a list of 26 random things connected to me. Randomly, as they come in to my head.

1. I just turned 26.
2. I've been with John for 6 years this week. That's 23% of my life, or 29% of my life that I actually have memories from. That's a lot.
3. He's in Saudi Arabia. For a year.
4. He sent me flowers that are sitting on my desk right now, for our anniversary.
5. Having a work crackberry makes me feel important.
6. I have sent exactly one text message in my life and it was an accident.
7. Apparently my father in law is no longer speaking to me. Oops!
8. I can't even tell you how excited I am to travel to the Middle East in January. Bahrain and Qatar, here we come!
9. My mother hates Christmas, and without John around, I am also deeply disinclined to celebrate.
10. So my family is going to the Dominican Republic for Christmas instead. Yay!
11. I generally read around 200 books a year.
12. I am a nerd.
13. Last summer we road tripped around Idaho, Montana, Utah and Wyoming. The year before that, Oregon and way northern California coast. Year before that - Puerto Vallarta with his entire family. Year before that - BC interior, coast and island. Year before that - Toronto. Year before that - a week in the Okanogan Valley.
14. This next year: Bahrain and Qatar, then maybe Jordan for Petra, and then probably Dubai and the Emirates. Can we saw upgrade??
15. I've read so many books set in the UK that I often forget I've never been there.
16. I've been to Costa Rice twice, Mexico 4 times (twice in the interior) and that's it for my travel. I am deeply, deeply excite by this year.
17. It still doesn't make up for John being in Saudi for a year.
18. I've become a big fan of cross stitching.
19. My friend Erin has a program that turns pictures in to cross stitch patterns. The first one she helped me with was Chinese characters that spell out pornography. The one I've working on now is, um, very graphic and uses a lot of flesh tone. It makes me laugh so hard.
20. I love to cook, and to bake, and to eat. A lot.
21. I've won NaNo three times. I've been blogging since 2000. I keep a paper journal. That is, all told, a hell of a lot of words.
22. I have no boundaries and a host of problems. At least I can acknowledge - that's a start, right?
23. I have a nice job that bears no relation to my degree.
24. My house is far nicer than I deserve. It also has 40 year old blue/green shag carpet that John loves and I do not. No one deserves 40 year old shag carpet.
25. I still feel about 15 much of the time.
26. My brain is as random as this post.

Labels: holidailies, identity, meme, writing

posted by Morgan @ 2:00 p.m. 0 comments

Baby, it's cold outside

It's so cold out today, so I have completely avoiding leaving the house. Nathan left around 330 this morning(last night?) and Darren and Erin at 10 this morning, and I think that's been the only time the door has even opened. The highest temperature today was -19oc, and that's just to cold to get out of my fleece pyjamas for. I've had three pots of tea, a nap, finished two different books I've been working through, done my laundry, made muffins, done some cross stitch while I watch old Doctor Who from a dvd I rented from the library... It's been simply delightful. Especially after the crazy pace I've been keeping myself at since John left 7 weeks ago. It was bound to catch up with me eventually - I knew that. I am impressed that it took so long. I've really managed to get a lot done, so yay me.

Now - a brand new (library) book and a hot pot of monk's blend tea are calling my name. Time to pile back under some blankets and read until I get hungry enough to start making dinner.

I miss him like crazy, like the constant ache of a phantom limb. I miss him every single day, all the time. But days like today, days were I have no responsibilities to anyone? Well, they're pretty nice, on occasion, I must confess.

Labels: book, boredom, holidailies, solo year, the boy

posted by Morgan @ 5:42 p.m. 1 comments